Where Am I?

So, I just woke up in this dude's front yard. I'm not sure what's all over my legs, but I hope it's not dog crap. I guess I blacked out there for a little while, maybe a couple months. No clue if it was the PCP or skydiving without a parachute, but I was fuckin' out. That's the biggest rush I've had since Richard Gere smuggled me through customs in his ass.

Yeah, Gere and I used to be real tight back in the day. Forget the urban legends - they're not half as impressive as the truth. We went on vacation together in San Miguel (that was when I was big into leather) and man: His prostate was so strong he could walk around the house hoovering up Cheetos with his ass. While wearing pants. Fucking amazing.

Sorry, I tend to ramble. I know a lot of famous people though, and all the bitches love me, so I guess you can just deal if you wanna hang.

More later, I'm going to go find a phone so I can call a cab.